I've decided to write a column every month, sharing my lessons from the past month with you. As you've come to expect from me; honest, vulnerable, and with a touch of humor.

After claiming for 2.5 years that I was completely immune to Covid, it turned out that wasn't true. I still don't know exactly who brought it, but our germ bomb a.k.a. the Toddler spread it widely, including all the grandparents. Oops. I was quite sick with it for 4 days. Tired. More tired. Had to. The latter turned out to be a word that came up more often, because I had to do all sorts of things for myself.

It was a month in which I had to find my own new rhythm again. After spending most of January in Cape Town, I literally and figuratively entered a winter in February. 

It sometimes felt so flat.
So empty.
So tired. 
So frustrating.

Did I quit my job for this?

The well-known “Is this it?” moment came up again. I heard about other entrepreneurs' 10K months flying by, and I almost didn't dare to open my Moneybird. 

Slowly, it began to feel like spring again. Outside, but also inside.
And I learned two incredibly valuable lessons from it:

1) Freedom is not my only value.

I had an enormous amount of freedom. An almost empty diary. All the time to go wherever I pleased. But I was missing something. And it turned out that something was connection. After experiencing my first Soulstories session, I thought again: Oh yes, this is it! This is what I enjoy doing so much, guiding groups, offering support, and being able to use my creativity and freedom within it.

It has to be winter first before it can be spring.

I can say in hindsight that the period was truly necessary. It first had to become quiet, even though I hated it terribly at the time. But it has to be empty first, before something new can flourish.

It also reminded me of the new project I started this month: On Life – a social media detox box to reduce your screen time. I was an incredibly difficult client for my designer (sorry Marije) because I couldn't make up my mind about the colors. In the end, it worked out, but my designer said:; Yes, I think it was so difficult because you wanted a nice “style” and didn't build the foundation of your brand first..

Oh yes. 

Because it must first be empty to build on, but also fertile. A foundation must be laid first, before it will flow again. Otherwise you'll just get swept along everywhere, but you want to be firmly on your feet first. 

I believe the foundation is back in place. I feel the spring fever. Wanting to go outside again. To experience. To connect. But above all, to enjoy.

I'm looking outside and it's snowing now and I'm smiling. 
We have so little influence over what happens around us. 
The more influence on how we deal with it. 

I'm glad my inner winter is over again, but I could have surrendered to it a bit more. It always turns to spring again eventually. I don't need to force it so much.

At least I'm in the mood for ice cream, outdoor cafes, going outside without a jacket, and forgetting to put on sunscreen, are you too?